I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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