cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
