Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
