who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
