question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
