Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
