You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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