So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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