We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
