Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
