You really coming over, don't trick.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
its not stalking. its research.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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