kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
