I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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