the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
