I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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