I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
