The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
