hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
