I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
