I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
