she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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