I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
