I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
