you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
