We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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