Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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