On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
