He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
