Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
