I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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