She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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