I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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