My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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