I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
