no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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