I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
