he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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