And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is my gift to your gina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
