I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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