The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Damn victory sex feels great
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
