remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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