I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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