Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
