john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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