i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This house was built for laser tag.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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