She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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