We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i've created a new STD.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
