Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
