I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
