I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
