mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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