it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
