chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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