why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
