we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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