I cockslap morals
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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