Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
