Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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