Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
