We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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