i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
